Log in

13 December 2007 @ 11:31 am
I Can't Believe You

I can't believe you
Saying the exact opposite of what you do
Accusing me of not telling the truth
To cover up your own lies
Weakening our ties to each other
It's like you just don't care

Are you really that scared of me?
That you need to build this wall around yourself
When I'm calling out for help
And it's all that I can do to melt you down enough to hear
Listen, my dear

You think you can raise your white flag and get me to surrender
Invite me in and cut me down before the conflict's rendered
That the tenderness deleted was all thanks to me
That you are free and clear of all responsibility
You say I've been uncivil: unjust and just plain cruel
Look, fool
I didn't call you any names
And I only raised my voice over your interruptions
You are so fucking gutless

I forgive you, but the next time is just the same redux
I love you, I hate you
You cannot tell the truth
You're so wrapped up in defenses, I now it's hard to see through
Look at yourself for a moment, at how far you've come unglued
If you did, I'm sure you'd see
Exactly what I do
God, you stupid idiot
I fucking can't believe you!
09 October 2007 @ 01:37 pm
She marinates in lethargy
In a way just barely perceived
Surrounded by a garden filled with weeds
But there's a little seed of maybe
That's been sewn under her skin
Maybe,just maybe, there's a way of getting in
Perhaps a path of paving stones
Almost invisible, overgrown
Maybe there's a way for her to get home
11 September 2007 @ 01:27 pm
FantasiesCollapse )
24 August 2007 @ 10:57 am
As I fell asleep next to the Engineer, I thought about a conversation I had with someone earlier about taking an MRI. Then I imagined the inside of the MRI and the lack of light and oxygen. I could feel the sensation that my body was trapped. I imagined trying to move my arms around, and they were suspended, like when you freeze in the middle of a bad dream. Then I felt this unpleasant suffocation. I wanted to breathe fully, but the gasps would only generate further tightness. My bones felt the strain of being held in a single place for a long time like the aching of teeth. And when I could no longer stand it anymore, I rolled over to the boy and held him tightly, thinking to myself that I would hopefully never have to go through that, at least in that way.
06 August 2007 @ 08:39 pm
We arrange the subtle
art of withdrawing-
Falling up or falling
not at all-
Reminding the shadows
to keep us solitary
To make us even
with the weight
of the world.
We invent time
to watch our steps
and pace our breath
towards what is left,
and trust our death
will bring us rest
eternal release
from this mortal disease.

02 August 2007 @ 10:45 am
The United States and I have been having some serious marital issues lately. See, occasionally I will get hit up by her for an exorbitant amount of money. However, I don't really see anything coming out of the money I give her except for expensive purchases that lead to nowhere. Instead, I keep getting bills from unscrupulous bastards that she was supposed to keep away from me. She was supposed to protect me from the creditors, the insurance companies, and the terrorists. Broken promises. Broken American dreams. My young adulthood wasted. You see.. Its just not working out for us right now. I've done everything in my power to make it better. I voted. I did the counseling. I even sucked it up and did say he was our President, though I really should have run towards the White House with a large hammer. I tried so hard to maintain the hope that it would get better and deluded myself for so long. Sometimes you just have to acknowledge that its not working out.
01 August 2007 @ 11:55 am
I feel worn,
inertia sticks my feet in the mud,
I can't slide through,
I can't swim out,
I feel sad,
and overjoyed,
and unworthy,
but unloved.
I feel grateful
but ungracious
and I am holding on
to something I might lose
I want all eyes on me.
But I hide, naked in the spotlight
I can't be judged.
I want to be taken care of.
But independence
is more important, than just
a cry for help.
Justification: blahblah
16 July 2007 @ 10:23 pm
Isn’t it wonderful
that we have pain
to dissuade us
from putting our
hand in the
frying pan-
Isn’t it great
that rotting food
stinks so we
won’t have it
with the food
we can eat-
Isn’t it good
that we ain’t got
no money
so we can keep
sticking our hands
in things
that smell funny
And blowing off
And blowing off
‘Til we can’t
Even Feel
The kind of Shit
That we’re in.

10 July 2007 @ 02:28 pm
Dear World,

I know we've had our ups and downs, but I think that our relationship has, on the whole, made us both better. Or maybe just me. Whatever. I'm confident that we will continue to be great friends, and who knows - maybe one day our love for each other with grow into a climax that will blow a hole this wide in society's own idea of itself. In the meantime, I think maybe we need to have some space, spend a little time a part, get to know ourselves better away from each other. That way, when we come together again, it will be even more magnificent than before. But I need some time to consider our relationship.


03 July 2007 @ 10:54 am
The following is inspired, in part, by this article, gangked from quirkyfemme.

Proprietary technologies and limited network access for users creates a bad business model.

They are intended to protect the company from theft and simultaneously extract more money from the user. Sony/BMG Music's little 2005 debacle should prove this. They did not succeed in stopping music piracy. What they did do is punish their customers, the people who legitimately paid money for their product.

Dear Sony/BMG,

I will never buy any music under your label ever again. I will illegally download all of the albums under your label that I would like to have. You have lost the right to sell me anything, or expect your customers to trust your product. Further, I will refrain from purchasing any Sony electronics in the future, particularly computers or computer accessories, and I will not install any Sony software of any kind on any computer ever.

Dear Steve Jobs,

I will buy an iPhone when I can use it with the provider I currently have (and am totally satisfied with).

Dear AT&T,

It should never take a customer half an hour to find your customer service number to get help with your products or services.